Sunday, August 31, 2008

Computer Diet

At some point you have undoubtedly been where I was last week - in the middle of a computer nightmare. If not, rest assured you will be. Like death and taxes, computer crashes will happen - it's only a matter of time. I'll spare my readers the gory details except to say that I was on the phone with tech support for more than 47 hours over a six-day period. During this time I spoke with not less than a dozen international technical support "specialists" at various levels of expertise. Not possible you say? I should know - I was there. I consider myself a sophisticated computer user as I've been working with PCs in a business environment since 1984. If this were not the case, I most certainly would have been committed to Shady Pines by now - if for no other reason than being forced to type long strings of seemingly unrelated letters and numbers repeatedly in the search bar.

I was told I had a corrupted hard drive (I didn't), a seriously infected system (despite two leading edge programs to prevent such an occurrence), and a "known registry issue" with my operating system. No one really knows for sure what happened or why. It all started when my computer wouldn't load my user profile. I couldn't get past the password portal. It was like going to someone's home and looking for the front door. It wasn't as if someone inside couldn't hear the doorbell - it was if if there were no door at all. An impenetrable brick fort that could not be scaled. About a quarter of the way into the entire episode, the technicians began to take over my computer by remote (with my permission), each person escalating the problem exponentially. Sometimes when you give up control, you only make matters worse. I should have trusted my instincts.

Futurists tell us that the next revolution in computing will lie in the development of quantum computation - an advance known as "The Feynman Processor". These computers (at least according to the futurists) will provide lighting fast capabilities with unbreakable codes (which is probably why government and military agencies most likely support its research). Theoretical physics professor Gerard Milburn, in his book "The Feynman Processor" said ", ... classical computers are not protected from the arrow of time. Errors creep in along the way as the computer manipulates bits of information. Parts of the world external to the computer get mixed into the computation and, in effect, rewrite bits. Errors reverse information and are thus due to physically irreversible processes." Believe me, as soon as you take your new computer out of the box, the little ghosties and beasties are trying to corrupt and manipulate your system. Until the "Feynman Processor" becomes a reality, all you can hope for is to stay one step ahead while trying to maintain your investment, your composure and your precious data.

Of course quantum computation appears to have a few problems of its own. It seems that in order for a quantum computer to run properly - that is in a reversible way - it cannot have any contact with the outside world during computation (how do you prevent THAT?). Apparently, this would cause it to "decohere". Quantum computers would also employ the principle of "quantum entanglement", a phenomenon which Einstein called "spooky action at a distance." Uh ... somehow, none of this seems quite stable... but then physicists who study the strange world of quantum mechanics deal with concepts such as the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle and Chaos Theory.

What does all of this have to do with food? Everything - as any microwave snack eating teenager can tell you. In a computer crisis, there are only two ways to go - the junk food diet (remember Wayne Knight's computer programmer character "Dennis Nedry" in the film "Jurassic Park"?) and the no food diet. I found myself in the midst of the latter. As the problem escalated, my appetite waned - and frankly, there wasn't much time to eat. When I shut down for the evening, I just sort of fell into bed in a stupor watching old episodes of "Murder, She Wrote". By the sixth day, I was blabbering incoherently. At one point, however, I made a deliberate trip to the all night gas station for a chocolate candy bar. I also vaguely recall eating some unbuttered toast and a banana. The rest is a blur.

My computer appears (the operative word being "appears") to be working at ninety percent capacity. I have a telephone appointment with a "senior level" technician tomorrow to perform what I hope will be the final exorcism, after which I will no doubt regain those pesky five pounds I lost last week.

Gerard J. Milburn obtained a PhD in theoretical physics in 1982 and has since become a world expert in quantum information theory, currently working at the University of Queensland, Australia.

Feed the Hungry

Here I am, writing about food, when so many have so little. Inspired by my friend Heidi's commitment to providing nutritional lunches to disadvantaged children, I feel compelled to do something positive toward alleviating hunger. The cost of wheat, rice and milk are going through the roof. Gas prices are forcing food distributors and manufacturers to increase their prices dramatically across the board. Traveling back and forth to work is costing more than ever. Combined with a job loss, the effects of the current economic downturn and the cost of fuel on a family can be truly devastating. Add the high cost of health care and you have a nightmare. Hunger is also a serious concern for many elderly people with fixed incomes and limited mobility. What can be done?

My parish has an ongoing food drive 12 months of the year. They understand that hunger knows no season. We tend to help during the winter holidays, forgetting that people are hungry during the rest of the year. We're encouraged to bring canned and jarred goods, as well as rice, pasta, cereal and other essential non-perishables on a regular basis. If every parishioner brought a canned good or a jar of peanut butter every week, it would go a long way in helping those in need. If your church, temple or employer does not have a food drive, perhaps you can set things in motion. Not sure how or where to begin?

Feeding America, the largest domestic hunger-relief organization in the United States, feeds over 25 million Americans each year. Approximately 80 percent of all food banks in the U.S. are part of the Feeding America Member Network. They need donations of funds and food, as well as volunteers. They can direct you in how to hold a food drive in your neighborhood, place of worship, organization, or with your employer. They also have a list of food banks and emergency food providers in your area. Visit them online at

One of the organizations within Second Harvest's network is the Greater Chicago Food Depository. They distribute more than 41,000,000 pounds of food annually through qualified agencies to feed hungry people in Chicago. They also need funds, food, and volunteers and can help you organize a local food drive. Those in the Chicago area can go to

Chefs for Humanity is an alliance of culinary professionals and educators working in partnership with U.S. and global organizations, providing nutrition education, hunger relief, and emergency and humanitarian aid to reduce hunger across the world. Founded by renowned chef Cat Cora, Chefs for Humanity directly manages programs and partners with world organizations to care for people who have been affected by natural disasters, war and drought. They can be found online at

Share our Strength ® is a national organization that works to make sure no child in America grows up hungry. They partner with the culinary industry to create fund-raising programs such as Share Our Strength’s Taste of the Nation® and Share Our Strength’s Great American Bake Sale®. Award-winning chef-restaurateur, cookbook author, and television personality Rick Bayless is one the organization's most ardent supporters.

According to share our Strength , "More than 12.6 million (one in six!) children in America are at risk of hunger. These children will endure lifelong consequences as a result of having limited access to nutritious foods. In fact, they’re more likely to suffer poorer health, fatigue, hospitalizations, behavioral difficulties and impaired performance at school. Despite the good efforts of governments, private-sector institutions and everyday Americans, millions of our children still don’t have daily access to the nutritious meals they need to live active, healthy lives." To help further Share our Strength's mission to end childhood hunger in America, go to

Finally, a person or family without groceries may be closer than you imagine - it could be a neighbor, a fellow church member, a relative, or a co-worker. According to America's Second Harvest, 36% of the 25 million people they serve live in a household where someone works. Some families have to make difficult choices whether to pay the rent, make a car payment, buy prescription medicine, or buy groceries. In fact, more and more families are facing hunger for the first time. If you know of someone who has lost a job or been devastated by a health care or other crisis, lend a hand. An anonymous note with a $25 gift card toward a purchase at a local supermarket will bring relief for someone in need, and you will sleep better - I promise.